believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
