I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
