i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
