the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
