haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
