This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
