'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize