you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
