tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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