You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
