these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
