So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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