Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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