I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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