You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want a musical about memes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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