All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
