Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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