and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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