hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
