Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
