I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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