I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
