Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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