mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
