All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
