I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
