3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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