So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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