so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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