yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
