I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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