It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize