As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The uberlube is also flammable
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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