She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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