I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i have two assholes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to cum in my sink.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
