I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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