so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
