I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
