i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
