I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am naked and annoyed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
