12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
