I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
