First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
