Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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