I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
