Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
