Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
