why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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