The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
