She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
