if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize