I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me I should be a condom model.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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