Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
