Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
someone owes me an orgasm
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
