dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
