I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
