we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
