booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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