he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
