Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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