foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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