yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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