my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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