He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
