Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
