It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
