can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
