There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
