I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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