im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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