he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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