I wannas sexs uuuuu
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
