you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
