So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
