she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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