I think i sorta joined a cult last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
