idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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