i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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