It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
