My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize